Beloved Annalie,

You carried so much that no one saw. Behind the mask of happiness and that bright smile you carried the burden of existing in a world that you were never meant to fit in to.

Trying to contort and fit in just to belong, earning love through ways that made you betray & sacrifice the truth of who you really are. The shame of feeling different, unseen, undiagnosed - masking your true self just to survive.

You felt absolutely everything with a sensitivity so deep there were no words for it.

You walked through depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, undiagnosed neurodivergence and silence.

You endured distortion far too young - exposed to inverted frequencies that stripped innocence before it could root.

You survived domestic abuse & sexual abuse.

You survived the ache of not knowing your biological father and the shattering truth after 11 years of living a lie.

And yet, through it all, you protected me. You taught me what true courage is. You taught me that I could always rely on myself and that I still had a voice. You carried the weight so that I could one day be free. And for the sacrifices you made, I am forever grateful.

I first felt you cracking open when you remembered that love was not abuse, self betrayal or self sacrifice. When you knew there was something more than the patterns you had inherited and were subconsciously playing out. In that moment, you began to hand the reins back to your own soul.

Annalie, even when you were afraid, you never let me forget the power of love & faith. You continued to invest in a dream that there is more - more possibility, more truth, more life beyond survival and you kept that dream alive even when everything around you fell apart.

You knew deep down something had to change for your children to have a fighting chance at this game we call life.

Now, walking as the essence of Kaha Ruru, I get to live what you couldn’t, not because you didn't want to or from lack of trying but because you were working so hard against a system that is designed to set you up for "failure". This system convinced you that you were not worthy and that was the biggest lie.

Now, I get to speak truth without masking.

I get to experience love that isn’t performance.

I get to breathe sovereign presence instead of survival.

I get to finally know what peace feels like.

I want you to know how loved you are.

How thankful I am for you, for your tenacity, your resilience, and your courageous heart.

You brought me here. You were always enough and you are free now.

And to anyone who still lives as their own “Annalie”: I want you to know that there is more beyond the program of serving, you don’t have to work so hard to earn your peace or to be loved. You are enough just as you are. Even in life’s hardest edges, there is medicine in your experience. Authentic self-expression is self-love. And You are worthy to be yourself.

You are already loved.

With eternal love, gratitude & reverence,

Kaha Ruru